We Are Present, and We Are Here to Stay

There’s often this quiet misconception around women and cigars that we have to prove ourselves. Prove that we smoke. Prove that we know what we’re doing. Prove that we understand what we’re lighting, cutting, pairing, and enjoying.

And honestly, I’ve been thinking about that.

Is cigars really a male-dominated space, or is it simply that a lot of women were never introduced to it in the same way? Because when I look at my own experience, I can’t say that I’ve spent eight years walking into lounges feeling unwelcome. I can’t say I’ve been sitting around worried about whether I belonged. I’m here because I love it. I’m here because it became a passion. And after all this time, I’m even more in tune with it now than I was when I first started.

When I first came into the cigar world, it was social for me. I didn’t know a lot. I knew I wanted the experience. I knew it felt peaceful. I knew I enjoyed the atmosphere. At that stage, you may not know every brand or every wrapper, but you know how to cut, light, sit down, and enjoy the moment. Then, over time, you grow. You start paying attention to what you’re smoking. You start recognizing brands. You notice what you like, what you don’t, what pairs well with your mood, your drink, your time, your thoughts.

That’s the thing people don’t always talk about. There are stages to cigars.

First, it’s the social side. Then it becomes the learning. Then it becomes the lifestyle. And somewhere in there, it becomes personal.

For me, as I’ve gotten older, cigars have become less about the outside and more about the inside. I’m more in tune with my thoughts, with my smoke, with what I’m pairing it with, with what kind of experience I want to have when I walk into a lounge. I’m not knocking down doors asking to be accepted. I know who I am. And I think most women who step into these spaces and stay in these spaces know who they are too.

That’s why I don’t always connect with the question of whether women feel intimidated. Maybe some do. Maybe some have had experiences I haven’t had. I can only speak from my own truth. And my truth is that I never stayed because I was trying to prove something. I stayed because I enjoyed it. I stayed because it fit me. I stayed because it gave me peace, connection, knowledge, and presence.

And yes, cigar lounges are social places. Just like any bar or restaurant, you may meet people. You may have conversations. You may link up. You may travel to different lounges and experience how each one moves, how each one operates, how each one builds community. But even in all of that, the point isn’t to perform. The point isn’t to make anyone comfortable with your presence. The point is simply to be present.

Women are not new to this. Women are not visitors. Women are not a trend in cigar culture.

We are present.

And we are here to stay.